Thought on time, prayer and repentance from Padre Pio

I have read this from one of the Padre Pio leaflets or newsletters that my grandfather used to receive regularly in the mail. Now that he has passed away, I consider this as one of the more important things I 'received' from him. He has always been a devotee of Padre Pio and his teachings have truly aided him in life.   I kept a copy of this particular page because each and every time I read it, it never fails to strike me. And in sharing this piece, I hope it stikes you too, gently or otherwise =), where you need reminding. God bless! =) 

- - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You have no doubt heard about Satan's brainstorming session in Hell. The archenemy of God called together his minions. He demanded suggestions about how they could win more souls. "We have corrupted many souls, but I want more, manymore. We must double our efforts. How can we seduce more unsuspecting souls? "

One of his evil ones proposed that people be told that there is no such place as Hell. Its a fiction. Satan nodded, "Yes, but we have used that. And it was successful. Now our time is short. We need a subtle snare. Something that will capture millions."

Another said, " Tell them that there IS NO HELL. It is a myth; a foolish story to scare children. Satan again agreed that that too was effective but it has been used.

One other, way in the back of hall, raised a hand. "Tell them there is lots of time. There's no hurry. They can put off attending Mass or going to confession until next month. Or next summer. Theres plenty of time."  And satan smiled.

I worry, as I know you, do about friends or relatives who live on the very edge of everlasting chaos. They seem to have lost all interest in Jesus and His promise of a place in His Kingdom. They go to Mass perhaps on Christmas or Easter Sunday. But it is more of a social outing than true repentance and devotion to Christ. Almost never do they go to confession. Even so when they attend their annual Mass they received Communion-- The Holy Eucharist-- the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ.

I've said this before; let me say it again. "We dare not play games with God. If one of these tepid ones sins and puts off seeking sacramental forgiveness for whatever reason, he or she is a fool. Padre Pio gives us an example of one devious and unrepentant fool.

A woman who had recently lost her husband came to Padre seeking consolation and assurance about her husband. He had once left her and their two children to live with another woman for over three years. Unexpectedly cancer had claimed his life. Before his death, after urgent appeals, he had consented to receive the last Sacraments of the church. The woman, short and plain, nervously adjusted the kerchief on her head and finally asked the inevitable. "Where is his soul, Padre ? I havent stopped worrying."

Padre Pio watched her with troubled eyes. He could almost feel her grief filling his own heart. "Your husband's soul is condemned forever," he whispered.

Padre Pio nodded sadly. "When receiving the last Sacraments he concealed many sins. He had neither repentance nor a good resolution. He was also a sinner against Gods mercy because he said he always wanted to have a share of the good things in life and then have time to be converted to God."

What a price to pay for "the good things in life." Let us all set aside time each day, just a few minutes, perhaps at bedtime, to pray that Our Good Shepred will be merciful to our wandering ones, to our "unrepentant fools" and bring them SAFELY HOME.


Source: Prophet of the People by Dorothy M. Gaudiose / Padre Pio Newsletters

The Priest: A prayer on sunday night

When we received this reading material years back, I set it aside it  knowing it would prove inspirational to our  priests who would be able to relate to a prayer that speaks as though it were his own words and to our brothers and sisters who perhaps set the bar so high they forget that our brother the priest also struggle with their humanity as we do. 

The words are sincere and the prayer so honest that it uncloaks a priest's struggles and  loneliness and it unveils their humanity, imperfections and all- for our understanding.  But moreover, it speaks of how God loves them back and how in God's divine way, He needs His most precious jewels to fulfill  His special design on earth.  May it help serve as a reminder that they have been chosen and called by Jesus for a higher purpose closely tied to the way of the cross.  

I know today this can and will reach people, and I pray that it will bring to light an important message to help them through their struggles and to bridge understanding.

Please do share this to those who you believe will benefit from reading it. I apologize for not being able to name the source (but God knows who you are!) because this just happened to cross my path unnamed..... and what a timing, really for it to resurface just today!  Thank you so much for this....

Let us continue to pray for our priests. They are in need of our prayers, our understanding and our support. Let us pray for their fortitude in their vocation, true discernment,  unconditional selflessness, true love for God so that they will not exercise double standards in bringing Jesus to life, and humility through all circumstances. Let us not be their judge, but rather their cane. Let us be one with them because they too need us, as much as the church, the people, need them.

God bless!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

The Priest: A Prayer on Sunday Night

People ask a great deal of their priest, and they are right. But they should understand that it is not easy to be a priest. He has given himself in all ardour of youth, yet he still remains a man and every day the man in him tries to take back what he has surrendered. Its a continual struggle to remain completely at the service of Christ and of others. A priest needs no praise or embrassing gifts; what he nees is that those committed to his charge should, by loving their fellows more and more, prove to him that he has not given his life in vain. And as he remains a man, he my need once in a while a delicate gesture of disintereted friendship...some sunday night when he is alone.

 

Come with me, and I will make you fishers of men (Mark 1,17)

You did not choose me: I choose you. I appointed you to go and bear fruit that shall last (John 15,16)

Forgetting what is behind me, and reaching out for which lies ahead, I press towards the goal to win the prize which is God's call to life above, in Jesus Christ (Phil 3,13-14)

 

Tonight, Lord, I am alone.

Little by little the sound died down in the church.

The people went away, and I came home. Alone.

I passed people who were returning from a walk.

I went by the cinema that disgorging its crowd.

I skirted cafe terraces where tired strollers were trying to promong the pleasure of a Sunday holiday.

I bumped into youngsters playinng on the footpath.

Youngsters, Lord, others people's youngsters who will never be my own.

Here I am, Lord.

Alone.

The silence troubles me.

The solitude oppresses me.

Lord, Im 35 years old.

A body made like others, ready for work, a heart meant for love.

But Ive given you all. Its true, of course that you need it.

Ive given you all, but its hard, Lord.

Its hard to love everyone and to claim no one.

Its hard to shake a hand and not want to retain it.

Its hard to inspire affection, to give it to you.

Its hard to be nothing to oneself, in order to be everything to others.

Its hard to be like others, among others, and to be of them.

Its hard always to give without trying to receive.

Its hard to seek out others and to be unsought oneself.

Its hard to suffer from sins of others and yet be obliged to hear and bear them.

Its hard to be told secrets and be unable to share them

Its hard to carry others and never, ever for a moment be carried

Its hard to sustain the feeble and never be able tolean on one who is strong.

Its hard to be alone.

Alone before everyone

Alone before world.

Alone before suffering, death, sin.

 

"Son, you are not alone. I am with you. I am you.

For I needed another human vehicle to continue my Incarnation and my Redemption.

Out of eternity, I chose you.

I need you.

I need your hands to continue to bless.

I need your lips to continue to speal.

I need your body to continue to suffer

I need your heart to continue to love.

I need you to continue to save.

Stay with me, son. "

 

Here I am, Lord,

Here is my body

Here is my heart

Here is my soul

Grant that I may be big enough to reach the worlds.

Strong enough to carry it.

Pure enough to embrace it without wanting to keep it.

Grant that I may be a meeting-place but a temporary one

A road that does not end in itself , because everything to be gathered there,

everything human, leads towards  you.

Lord, tonight, while all is still and I feel sharply the sting of solitude,

While men devour my soul and I fell incapable of satisfying their hunger

While the whole world presses on my shoulders with all its weight of misery and sin

I repeat to you my "yes" - not in bursts of laughter, but slowly,

Alone, Lord, before you,

In the peace of the evening.

 

 

 

 

 

A testimony on his personal encounter with the Divine Mercy- Bro. Stanley Villavicencio

Testimony of Stanley Villavicencio

 

Stanley’s words:

“Before I will give my testimony, I just want to inform you that after what happened to me, I was just going round giving my testimony in my own dialect. You see, the Philippines is composed of more than seven hundred islands and almost every island has different dialect. The Philippines is divided into three major parts; Luzon, Mindano and Visayas. I belong to Visayas because I am living in Cebu. So I was giving my testimony in Visayas only, until one time Father Seraphim Mekalanco, the Spiritual Director of the Divine Mercy nationwide invited me to give a talk in Manila. At first, I am happy because I can go to Manila, but then a day before I was so worried because I do not know how to speak the dialect, because in Manila the dialect is Tagalog and I do not know how to speak Tagalog. I was worried and so I asked the Lord ‘What shall I do?’ Then the following day, early in the morning Jesus appeared to me, to my dream and said: “Do not worry. Just do your best and I shall do the rest”. So I went to Manila and when I am holding the microphone to give my testimony, I am thinking my testimony in my own local dialect, and it came out in Tagalog. So they understand me.
“And now comes Father Seraphim, the Head of the Divine Mercy International based in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, U.S.A. He invited me to give a series of talks in the United States, Canada and Mexico and the problem is, I do not know how to speak the English. So again I was worried and because in Cebu, the owner of the University is a Divine Mercy devotee, so he instructed the English Department to translate my testimony from our local dialect to English and after several months they finished the translation.
“They give it to me and it is as thick as this! And they said to me, ‘Stanley you memorize that’. And, I said ‘No. I cannot memorize it anymore’. Then they said ‘Ok you just read it’ and I said, ‘I cannot read it also because it is my testimony, if I will read it, it will be lifeless.’ So I went to America leaving behind the translation and upon reaching the States I confided to Father Seraphim everything, so Father Seraphim was so worried because my first testimony will be at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C. And I will be speaking together with Mother Angelica, the audience is almost seven thousand. Father Seraphim was so worried, so I told him, ‘Father don’t worry. Anyway, I did not come to America to proclaim my mercy, I am here to proclaim God’s Mercy’. So when I was holding the microphone, I am thinking of my own local dialect, but then it came out English and after that I already know how to speak English.
“What I am going to tell you is what happened to me. About my own personal encounter with Jesus Christ of the Divine Mercy. When you hear my testimony, I hope it will increase your faith, and that you know that there really is a God and that God is a living God. What happened to me, happened on March 2, 1993. That was a Tuesday and a birthday of one of my children. By the way, I had ten children, but now I have thirteen. And by the way, I am a member of the Perpetual Dawn Rosary.
“It is our practice that whenever there is an occasion at our house, we invite the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary and it is also our practice that whenever the Virgin comes into our house it is I who has to receive the Virgin. But on that day, when the Virgin is already in our house, whatever they do to wake me up, I cannot be awaken, so it is my mother-in-law who received the Virgin.
“At eight o’clock that morning, my mother-in-law said, she heard me moaning and moaning. So she tried to look at me in my room and she found me lying in bed. Trembling vigorously. Blood coming out of my mouth forcefully. And it was the sister of my father-in-law, who is a nurse, was present, so attended to me immediately. And as she touches my pulse, she cannot find any pulse anymore - and as she touches my chest, my heart beat is already very slow. And when they open my eyes, both eyes are already in white, so they asked help from our neighbors and they brought me to Chong Hua Hospital. At Chong Hua Hospital, we have four specialist doctors and the doctor said that my chance of survival is one in a million, because my heart beat is already slow.
“As I enter the Emergency Room I cannot breathe anymore, even with the help of oxygen, so they transferred me to I.C.U. or the Intensive Care Unit, so my breathing can be aided, or forcing oxygen inside. At the I.C.U. my trembling did not stop and the blood was still coming out from my mouth, so the doctor injected me with Valium to control everything.
“Because Negros Island and Cebu are just very near, so that day my relatives arrive. Among them is my father who is a doctor and my sister who is also a doctor and the cousin of my wife were already present. By the way, my wife is also a nurse.
“The following day, the doctors called up my wife and asked her permission to take me off of all the life support apparatus. So my wife called up our house and asked that my long sleeve shirt, for my burial be prepared. And my mother-in- law says she has a memorial plan and that her memorial plan is transferable. So she had it transferred to my name. Meaning! I will be the one using her coffin. And it also happened we had a reservation at the Queen City Garden Cemetery in Cebu, because when my father-in-law died in 1987, we bought three lots, so they process all the papers so they can bring me to the Queen City Garden. Meaning, everything is already ready. I have the long shirt to wear for my burial, I have already a coffin to sleep in, I have already a cemetery to live in.
“But God had a different plan, because my wife did not agree to remove the life support apparatus attached to my body. In fact my relatives, they take in turns to watch over me. But it is only my body present at Chong Hua Hospital, because I saw a light, a very big bright light, but not glaring. You can stare at it. It is like a fountain. It is like a fog as it slowly evaporates, until I notice someone is standing in front of me. And when I look at His face, I recognize Him as Jesus.
“As we are looking at each other, He raised His left hand and when He raised His left hand, the clouds above were sucked downwards and when they reach just above us, the clouds keep on turning and changes in color and when it stops it becomes like a video screen. And He showed me the film of my life, from my childhood up to my present. And I notice that every time I do good, it just goes on normally and I also notice that every time I commit a sin, suddenly it would go into slow motion as if He wants to show us that what we have done is wrong, as if He wants to show us that what we have done is a sin. And because I have also committed bigger sins, sins like what we call the mortal sin.
“Every time it shows up, suddenly it would stop, came closer and enlarged it. Then I said to myself, ‘Why should this be included? There must be no word of sin saw in Heaven, because it is just too bad to look at, but even if I closed my eyes I could still see it.
“Also I notice that every time I commit a sin, I could feel the heaviness. I could feel the weight. The more I commit a sin, the more the heaviness, the more the weight. And I also notice that every time I do good, for example, if I give something to the poor, I could feel as if I were floating. So it is really true what is written in the Bible, ‘That what so every you do to the less of your brethren, that you do unto Me.” “And I also notice that the sins I did not confess to a Priest it is too heavy, and also I notice that the sins that I confessed to a Priest, it is lighter. And we cannot deny anything because the screen is so big and very clear and also the pictures are also big and below the pictures are written the day, the month, the date and the year. And below that it is also written the hour, the minutes and the seconds. So, we cannot deny anything, even the seconds are recorded. In fact, He reviewed my film three times and after our long conversation, He tapped my shoulder and as He was tapping my shoulder, He said to me, ‘You go back now, because you still have so many things to do. You still have so many things to finish. If I have something for you or if I have a message for you, I will just appear to you in your dream.’
“After He say that, I was at the I.C.U. of the Chong Hua Hospital. Suddenly I got up. I could feel my body so light and my head suppressed. That when I got up, I removed the oxygen from my nose. After removing oxygen, there is a tube going down into my intestine, so I slowly remove the tube because it tickles me. And after removing the tube, I slowly remove the I.V. from my hand and because there is a nurse who saw everything, and that she was so afraid that she ran away. In fact, she said, one of the heels of her shoes was broken.
“When the nurse returns she has other nurses, doctors and the technicians, they are all running and when they reach me, they put me to bed again. And one of the doctors put on his telescope and examined me and after a short examination, the doctor put off his telescope, put it beside him and he asked for another. Meaning! He did not believe his telescope. He was given another telescope and he put it on and re-examined me again and after a long examination, the doctor looked at my E.C.G. because every bed in the I.C.U. has its own E.C.G. And he said, since I was admitted at the I.C.U. my E.C.G. was just a straight line, but now they were so surprised because my E.C.G. was working normally and because the technicians were already present, so they subjected me to X-rays, laboratory tests and brain scan. And now, all the results are in negative, meaning, I am not sick.
“The doctors were all surprised and they asked permission to have another set of examinations, because they said there might be something wrong with the apparatus. We consented, and they subjected me again to another ultra sound, laboratory tests and brain scan, all except the X-ray. And again, all the results were in negative: meaning, I am not really sick. So the doctors said ‘There is nothing now that we can really do, it is already a miracle.’
“When I woke up, I woke up at eight o’clock in the morning of Friday. If you will count from eight ‘clock in the morning of Tuesday, to eight o’clock in the morning to Friday, that is exactly three days. And because of that, the media was alerted. The television, the radio and newspaper. And because our Church, the Roman Catholic Church do not easily believe in miracles, so it has to be investigated and the investigation was led by Cardinal Vidal of Cebu.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
“Cardinal Vidal leads the investigation in March. At the middle of September, Cardinal Vidal released a letter confirming what happened to me. And he gives me an endorsement letter, so that I could give testimony around the world.
“One of the doctors who was assigned to me at the I.C.U. , he is not just an ordinary doctor because when he took his medical examinations, he got the highest score all over the country and when he entered the Chong Hua Hospital, he was awarded as the most outstanding P.G.I. doctor. He was assigned to me at the I.C.U. from the very beginning, until I woke up. And because he cannot sleep anymore, so he entered the Seminary to become a Priest, and now he is already a Priest.
“From March 1993 up to now, Jesus keeps appearing to me to my dream. That is also accepted by our local Church. Because my Spiritual Director is Msgr Chris Garcia. He is one of the most holiest Priests in Cebu and he is also gifted. He has the gift of inner locution (inner telepathic voice), meaning he can also talk to Jesus. But he cannot see Jesus. But Jesus appears to me, to my dream, where I can see Him, where I can talk to Him, where I can touch Him, where I can even embrace Him. And what is best for us! Every time Jesus appears to me, He also tells my Spiritual Director, so there is a confirmation. That is why, where ever I go, it is embraced by the Church.
“Also during my investigation, the doctors asked the Priest, ‘Where does all that blood come from? ‘ The blood coming out from my mouth is with force and continuously for several hours and why there was no blood transfusion. (Blood count showed no reduced level of blood). So the Priest prayed and after praying the answer that this blood coming out from my mouth is for cleansing. I have to be cleansed because I have to face the Lord - and they also said that is it also said in the Bible, that whoever sees the Lord will have to die, so I have to die. But because I have a mission, so I have to live again.
“Also they ask me: ‘Why you? Why did Jesus choose you?’ So I answered them. ‘May be because I am nothing. May be because I have nothing to be proud of except for my sins.’ So, when I have a chance to talk with Jesus, I ask the Lord, ‘My Lord, my God, why me? I am a sinner. I am a sinful man.’ And Jesus answered, “You cannot appreciate the beauty of My mercy unless you experience the misery of sin.’ And so I accepted my mission.
“Also so many are coming to me, so I ask the Lord: ‘My Lord, my God! So many are coming to me and entrust their problems to me, what shall I do?’ And Jesus answered: Just let them pray the chaplet unceasingly and they will be guided.’
“That is why now, in the Philippines, the chaplet is very popular, not only among the Catholics but also the other Church dominions because there are so many miracles that have been attributed to the chaplet. For example: Several months ago, my Spiritual Director, Msgr Chris Garcia, he had a slight stroke. So he was admitted at the Hospital, and the doctor said that he had a brain tumor and that there is a virus in his brain and that he cannot open his eyes because it is too painful. We went to the Hospital and we prayed the chaplet of Divine Mercy, together with Msgr Chris, and after we prayed the chaplet, several minutes later, he asked for his lap top computer. So you see the power of the chaplet. The miracle of the chaplet.
“The following day, we prayed again the chaplet. The doctors re-examined him and found him negative of everything. So on the third day he checked out of the Hospital as if nothing had happened. Do you see the power of the chaplet?
“Also, one of our Divine Mercy leaders in the Philippines, his wife was ill early in the morning. So they brought his wife to Hospital. The doctors gave him a prescription to buy the medicine and because he has no money, so he has to sell his pig. And the buyer paid him for the pig, but the buyer said that he would get the pig the following day.
“But that afternoon of that very day, the pig refused to stand up and refused to eat. So, he was so worried, because if something happens to the pig, they will be in trouble because, they buy the medicine. So he called all his children and explained to them everything; that they have to pray the chaplet for the pig. So they prayed the chaplet for the pig. But at the middle of praying the chaplet the children were laughing. They were all laughing because they said it was better to pray the chaplet for a human being, but not for a pig.
“He explained it again to them. He explained it again and again. And on the third time that they prayed the chaplet, the children prayed intensely and they finished praying the chaplet. After they finished praying the chaplet, the pig suddenly stood up and one of the children ran and got some food for the pig and the pig consumed everything. And the lesson is, if Jesus answered our prayers for a pig, how much more if we pray the chaplet for a human being.
“We have another leader of the Divine Mercy in the Philippines. He has several acres of rice fields and because he is poor he cannot afford to buy fertilizer, he cannot afford to buy insecticide. So, what he did every morning, he would roam around his rice field and pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy, everyday! Every morning! And also every afternoon. During the harvest time, his neighbors were all surprised, because during harvest time his harvest is much more than those using fertilizer and insecticide. So you see the miracle of the chaplet!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
“Where ever I go, so many would ask me how soon is Jesus coming back? Or is the three days of darkness really true? Is the chastisement really true? So I answered them. Jesus said to me ‘Don’t be afraid’. Jesus said to me, ‘Don’t be afraid because I will take care of your future. Blessed are those taking advantage of My mercy while it is still the day of mercy but beware, because the day of Judgment is nearer than everyone thinks.’
“I asked the Lord, ‘What are the sins that You cannot forgive?’ Jesus said, ‘All sins can be forgiven except if you refuse to believe that your sin can be forgiven.’ That is the sin He cannot forgive, because Jesus said by refusing His mercy you are also refusing to believe that He is a God. (That is a sin against the Holy Spirit). That is why Jesus said, Before I come as Just Judge I will open wide the doors of My mercy’. But Jesus continued that it is also written in the Diary of St. Faustina, that ‘he that refuses to pass through the doors of My mercy will have to pass through the doors of My Justice.’
“Now, after a long while that Jesus is opening this door of mercy and after a long while He will close that door of mercy. Then He will open that door of Justice. And if He will open the door of His Justice who can enter Heaven? When Heaven is only for the pure, when Heaven is only for the clean. And who are the clean? And who are the pure? All of us are sinners. All of us are unclean. We can only enter Heaven through His mercy, through His love. Without God’s mercy, without His love, it is too difficult to enter Heaven. That is why Jesus now is begging us to go out now and proclaim His mercy. Jesus also said, ‘Proclaiming My mercy is not enough, you have to put mercy into action, by living as an example of My mercy.’ He said, “He who will save a soul will save his own.’
“I am not allowed by the Church to pray or to do healing or lay hands on anybody because Cardinal Vidal said I would just do my evangelization, (tell people what happened to me), because he said, ‘there are some who are given the gift of healing, they will also continue their healing.’ But then it cannot be avoided that during my talk so many sick people are attending, so Cardinal Vidal arranged a veneration to the image of Divine Mercy, so the sick people will ask directly to Jesus their healing, not through me because I am only a human being. After that, this image becomes a miraculous image, because there are so many instant healings and also sometimes when I give my testimony, people see lights. Lights coming out from His body. That is why there are some ripples in His body (of the image). The light has a heat and the heat destroyed the plastic. Because so many people will say Jesus is emanating lights and sometimes they say that Jesus gets out from the frame, and He will transfer right behind me and they say He is taller than me. And they said each time Jesus gets out from the frame, the frame is empty. And it not only happens in the Philippines. It also happened in Hong Kong, China, in Rome, in New York, New Jersey, all over the States and in Canada and Mexico. So it also happened in Ireland and so during veneration, (showing respect and appreciation ) , you have to ask Jesus what favor you want. Because, if what you are asking for is not against His will, He will give it to you. Especially, if what you are asking for comes from the depth of your heart.”
End Stanley’s words.

How I became a prolife activitist by Therese Bonopartis

Source: www.marian.org

Editor's note: Thirty-six years ago this week, the Supreme Court decision Roe vs. Wade overturned all state and federal laws that outlawed or restricted abortion. To mark this anniversary, this week we offer a series of stories on people who are fighting to protect the life of the unborn, including Theresa Bonopartis, whose testimony follows:

By Theresa Bonopartis

"We are to show to those in need His goodness to ourselves ..." This phrase at Mass speaks to my heart. It reminds me of the despair, the grief, the pain of abortion from which Christ delivered me. It reminds me also of my duty to give hope to those still suffering, to help point the way to a place of shelter and peace in the heart of Jesus. And so, I relate my experience — unique and personal, but not unlike the stories of many other women. But this story is not, finally, about me. It's about our good and merciful God ... always there, wanting to forgive us and to make us whole again.

* * *

At 18 I honestly believed I was the only one not having sex. I gave in to peer pressure and slept with someone I was seeing occasionally. I remember vividly the day I phoned the doctor for my test results and learned I was pregnant.

After months of denial, I was nearly four months pregnant, so I knew the answer long before the word "positive" was uttered. I was overwhelmed by a range a feelings: happiness at the thought of a child growing within me, but also fear of telling my parents — the reason I had "denied" it for so long.

I immediately told the father of the child, and we decided to get married. Although we planned to tell our parents together, I blurted the truth to my mother and father. Their reaction took me by surprise. Shocked, angry, and disappointed, they told me to leave the house and forget that I was their daughter.

In retrospect, their reaction was understandable. They believed that premarital sex was wrong and thought it would be a disgrace to have a child out of wedlock. At least, I thought, my parents were practicing Catholics and would never ask me to abort my child. I left the house with no job, no money, no home, and nowhere to turn, feeling utterly abandoned and alone. It wasn't long before the baby's father and I broke up. Still, I was certain I would not get an abortion. I wanted my child.

A friend's mother invited me to stay in their home. I had no idea how I could support the baby and myself, and things began to feel hopeless. During this period, my father sent several messages urging me to have an abortion. He even offered to pay for it. I refused. But as I began to feel more desperate, I decided, finally, to let the abortion happen. I shut down my feelings and went through the motions, functioning more like an observer in a surreal world than someone in control.

Thirty years later, I still can't remember how I got to the hospital. But I do remember being alone in the hospital room when a doctor entered, and I'll never forget the sadistic look on his face as he injected saline into my abdomen.

No one explained to me the baby's development or what the abortion would be like. I had no idea what was going to happen. I lay there just wishing that I could die. I could feel the baby thrashing around as his skin and lungs were burned by the saline. He was dying. Labor began. After 12 hours of labor, alone in the room, I gave birth to a dead baby boy.

I looked at his tiny feet and hands. All I wanted to do was pick up my son and put him back inside of me. I couldn't fathom what I had done. I rang for the nurse. She came in, picked up my son and dumped him in what looked like a large mayonnaise jar, a jar marked 3A. Then she left the room and I was alone again, filled with hatred for myself. The thought of death seemed comforting. My downward spiral had only just begun.

After the abortion I flew to California to spend time with my sister and her family so I could get my bearings again. I wasn't the same person anymore. I went through the motions of daily living, but I had no desire for anything. At night, in the room I shared with my 2-year-old niece, I'd lie awake asking God over and over again to forgive me.

Three months later I returned to the New York area. Although I was not in contact with my father, my mom would slip out to meet me occasionally. Still trying to run away from myself, I moved to Florida. During my two years there, I called my dad and we began speaking again, although never mentioning my abortion.

When I returned to the area, I found a job and outwardly things seemed fine. But nothing was as it seemed. I tried hard not to think about who I was and what I had done. When I thought about my dead child, I would become depressed and despairing. Desperate to be loved, I became involved with the man I would marry, even though he was emotionally and psychologically abusive to me.

Two years later I was thrilled to be pregnant with our first child. But I was also afraid that God would punish me for the abortion, that something would be wrong with my child. I prayed constantly that the baby would not have to suffer for my sins, and was immensely relieved when he was born healthy.

The marriage began to fall apart soon after the baby's birth. My husband was abusing alcohol and we were arguing all the time. We tried counseling to salvage our marriage. Knowing that my abortion was at the root of my problems, I told the counselor about it. He told me to just forget about it. It was in the past. I could not make him understand that the abortion was very much in the present because I was living with the consequences every day.

For a while my husband stayed sober, and I became pregnant with our second child. By the time I was to give birth, however, his addiction was again full-blown. The night our second child was born, I did not expect my husband to be there. By the time he got home, I was well along in labor and we barely made it to the hospital in time.

The birth of my son was anything but joyous. I didn't know how I was going to care for two children, living with someone addicted to alcohol. Unlike the husbands of mothers around me, my husband did not show up the next day; he was recovering from a hangover. I lay alone in a hospital room, but this time my child was alive.

Soon after I brought the baby home, my husband overdosed and had to be rushed to the hospital. The incident helped me to begin breaking the cycle. During his two-week hospital stay, I began to enjoy my children for the first time. I didn't have to worry about where he was or what he was doing. I gave the children my full attention. I promised myself that I would not let them grow up in an abusive home, and that if he didn't straighten out, the children and I would begin a life for ourselves.

I kept my sanity by praying and reading the Bible. My husband stayed sober for two years before it began all over again. The day my older son, then four, told me to hide in the closet when he saw his father coming home, I knew we would have to leave.

For myself, I may well have stayed in that abusive relationship forever, but I did not want the boys to experience abuse. One day when my husband was drinking again, I took the children and walked out the door. Once again I found myself with no job, no money, no home. This time, thank God, I had my children.

My sister took me in to her already full apartment, and with my family's help (in this crisis I had their full support), I began to get my life together. Shortly after I walked out, my husband ended up in rehab, so the boys and I were able to move back into our apartment. I found a job. Within a year or two I returned to school to train as a substance abuse counselor. My family helped me both financially and by helping to care for the boys. I could not have made it without them.

After graduation, one of my teachers offered me a job. I thought I had finally gotten it together. Little did I realize how fragile this new life was.

By this time I had grown in my spiritual life and had a relationship with God, even though I did not truly know Him and still kept a distance from church. I still suffered from depression, entertained thoughts of suicide and had very low self-esteem; the fact that I had been one of the few from my class offered a job did not raise my self-esteem.

In time, as I struggled with my personal problems, my professional work began to suffer. I experienced "burn out." It was devastating to have worked so hard to achieve what I had and then become unable to function. I realize now that it was God's way of drawing me closer to Him.

I quit my job and struggled to stay out of the hospital. My dad supported the kids and me. I just moved through life. Every day it was a challenge just to get out of bed and take care of the boys. I did, however, begin attending Mass again, sitting in the back of the church, certain that everyone knew I had had an abortion, certain that the walls would come crashing down on me. But I went, listening for some word of hope that I could be forgiven for my terrible, "unforgivable" sin.

By then my older son was seven and ready to make his First Penance. At a meeting for the parents, a priest talked about God's mercy and His desire to forgive any sin, even the sin of abortion. I remember thinking: Can this be true? Did I hear him correctly? Will God really forgive abortion? That evening I left with the first inkling of hope I had known in 10 years.

It took time and courage, but I decided to contact that priest and ask him to hear my confession. Scared and nervous, I made my first confession in many years. The priest was gentle, trying to make it as easy as he could for me. He showed great empathy and support. At last, I was on my way home.

I began to see the priest regularly for spiritual direction. At first, all I could see was darkness. It was an effort to do the things he asked, like examining my life, because I was sure I would uncover only what a terrible person I was. But I was tired of the depression and desperate enough to try. I felt sorry for my children who had a mom who cried a lot and simply couldn't cope with life. I wanted more for the three of us. And so I prayed, went to Mass every day and spent time before the Blessed Sacrament. I needed so badly to trust in this God I had been told was so good.

Still I could not forgive myself. I continued to struggle with depression. I would beg Jesus for healing. I felt bad that I had not reached full healing, and my confessor's eyes showed his own sadness over my continued struggle. I understand now that the fullness of healing must come in God's time.

One night I felt depressed and suicidal again, but despite these feelings, I also somehow felt a deep trust in God. I didn't want the children to see me crying again, so after putting them to bed, I closed myself in the bathroom, crouched on the floor, and repeated over and over, "Jesus, I trust in You."

I don't know how many hours I did this, but well into the night I had an experience that changed my life. I experienced being on the cross with Christ. But instead of experiencing suffering, I felt love so intense that it was capable of taking away that pain. I felt His love wash away my sin and I knew my healing was complete.

I have never since felt the despair of abortion, only the profound love and forgiveness Christ gave me. I've watched my life be transformed, miraculously, as I've been privileged to help countless women and men suffering from abortion's aftermath. Christ's love transformed not only my life, but the lives of those I love.

Before my mother died, I learned that my abortion had caused her great suffering, although she had never told me. One day when we were watching TV, abortion was mentioned. She said, "Well, sometimes it's all right to have an abortion." I said, "Mom, it is never all right."

God gave us this moment of grace. She told me that my abortion was her sin and that she would take it to the grave with her. I was able to comfort her, telling her that we both bore responsibility for it. I told her that I forgave her and asked her to forgive me. After that, my mother went to confession to the same priest I had seen for direction, and she felt that her terrible burden was lifted.

Most difficult was telling my children. I felt that God was calling me to speak out about abortion, but I knew I couldn't unless my children knew first. I was terrified they would hate me. It took me years to muster the courage. By now I was active in the pro-life movement and they had been brought up to respect human life.

I planned to tell them many times, but each time I backed out, afraid to say the words. Finally one day I knew I was being given the grace to talk to them. How can I describe that day? I trembled as I told them of how our lives had come to be as they were. If not for my abortion, they would not be living in a fatherless household or seeing the strained relationship between my father and me.

The boys wrestled with their feelings. They were angry at me. They grieved for the brother they never knew. They felt guilty for surviving. It took time, a lot of talking, and the grace of God, but they understood finally why things were as they were, and why I had spent years crying. They grew closer to God, and we grew closer to one another.

I didn't speak publicly right away. The boys needed time to deal with their feelings and cope with the loss of their brother before I would do that. I was even resigned and at peace with the fact that the day might never come. But a few years later, they gave me their blessing. To say I am proud of them is an understatement. They have become great advocates for life.

I've now worked for some years with the Sisters of Life, conducting Days of Prayer and Healing for those suffering abortion's trauma. I am grateful to be able to stand alongside the Sisters at the foot of the cross and minister to these children of God, and blessed to watch them be transformed by His love and forgiveness. I have witnessed countless miracles of His mercy and am convinced that God is marshaling an army of once-wounded women and men to dispel the lies of abortion.

The Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul, tells of words spoken to her by Christ:

Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than asked. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy.

I know that this is true.

Jesus I trust in You.

Theresa Bonopartis assists the Sisters of Life and the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal in conducting spiritual retreats for those wounded by abortion. This article is posted here with permission from the Respect Life Program, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2000. All rights reserved. Its original title was "Divine Mercy in My Soul."

Reflections on Holy Thursday

What It's All About

Thursday, April 9, 2009
By: Fr. Joseph, MIC

Readings: Chrism Mass: Is 61:1-3, 6, 8-9; Rev 1:5-8; Lk 4:16-21
Mass of the Lord's Supper: Ex 12:1-8, 11-14; 1 Cor 11:23-26; Jn 13:1-15
"As I have done for you, so you should also do." Jn 13:15

On Holy Thursday, we celebrate Christ's institution of the Eucharist at the Last Supper.

But the main reading is from the Gospel of John, the only one of the four Gospels that doesn't mention the Institution of the Eucharist. Instead, it shows us Christ washing the feet of His disciples.

Why? Because John wants us to understand what Eucharist really means. Who is this Christ we receive in the Eucharist? What is He all about? Why did He come? Why did He choose to remain with us in this Sacrament? What kind of response does He want from us?

Christ was sent by God the Father on a mission of mercy (see Is 61:1). His whole purpose is to bring us the Father's love. He doesn't come to us in the Eucharist so that we can enjoy a few warm, fuzzy spiritual moments and then go back to life as usual. He comes to free us, heal us, and transform us so that we can become like Him and participate with Him in bringing the Father's merciful love to others.

As Pope John Paul II explains, "The Eucharist is a mode of being, which passes from Jesus into each Christian, through whose testimony it is meant to spread throughout society and culture" (Mane Nobiscum Domine, 25). As we receive, we are supposed to enter into communion with Christ, adopting His attitudes, His values, His love, His desires, and His entire way of being. We then are to "pass it on" to others.

"It is not by chance," John Paul continues, "that the Gospel of John contains no account of the institution of the Eucharist, but instead relates the 'washing of feet.' ... By bending down to wash the feet of His disciples, Jesus explains the meaning of the Eucharist" (28).

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for inviting me to share in Your divine life through the Eucharist. Fill me more and more with the desire to bring Your message of mercy to others. Amen.

Source: www.marian.org

The Holy Angels: Servants and Messengers of Mercy

Robert Stackpole Answers Your Divine Mercy Questions

Wednesday, April 8, 2009
By: Dr. Robert Stackpole, STD

Last January, one of our readers, a woman named Allie, sent me this remarkable story, which I have been eager to share with everyone. It was entitled "Last Words":

I was in this horrible car wreck seven years ago with my mother and 18-year-old son in the vehicle. We all survived, thank God, but I was knocked unconscious and had a traumatic brain injury. My life was changed, my personality was changed, I was VERY sick for over a year. I went to rehab to relearn how to think and process information, but lots of it will never be the same again. The moment of collision stopped one life, and I had to begin a new one. I was lucky enough to be able to begin again, but something interesting happened at the moment of impact.

I don't remember anything about the collision. ... My Mom, sitting in the back, wasn't knocked out, and she heard me say, "Jesus, Mercy," in the split second before the wreck. Apparently, I saw the other car as it was about to hit us and uttered that small prayer. Actually, having been a nurse in the big city, I knew lots of colorful words, and I was convinced my mother just preferred to think that her daughter's last words were, "Jesus, Mercy" as opposed to #!%$&%*! But no, my mom was firm that I said, "Jesus, Mercy."

I switched parishes during my recovery, and our new pastor has a special devotion to The Divine Mercy. ... A year and a half after my accident, I went to confession for the first time with my new pastor, and he gave me absolution, the penance being, "My Jesus, Mercy." I responded to him by saying, "I'm supposed to say, 'My Jesus, Mercy?' I have never been given that before for absolution. I don't understand." He said, "Well, it's the universal absolution. If you say it on your deathbed, you're given absolution. So I give it as a practice for people to get in the habit to ask Jesus for mercy." "But ... but ..." I stammered. Father was getting anxious because Mass was going to start in 10 minutes, so he said, "Well, go out there and say 20 Hail Marys if it makes you feel better, but you are absolved by saying 'My Jesus, Mercy.'" I told him that I wasn't objecting to the short penance, but that I had apparently spontaneously uttered it right before the impact in my car wreck. "Jesus, Mercy" were my last words as the person I was for 46 years. I said that I was always puzzled by my mother's report that those were my last words. I couldn't imagine why I had said those words because they weren't reflexive for me. #!%$&X! would have made more sense!

Father said that, in fact, those words were going to be my last words and that my guardian angel intervened to have me utter them. The guardian angels don't know what is going to happen to us, so mine saw this head-on collision coming and presumed it might be a fatality and was there for me. My guardian angel had me say, "Jesus, Mercy." It suddenly made sense, and I felt ashamed that I had never considered that my personal protector, my angel of God, my guardian dear, who had been sent to be near me by God's love all those years, had stepped in to save my eternal life just when it seemed clear that my physical life was about to end!

Thank God for that! Thank God for my guardian angel, and thank God for Jesus' mercy!

Allie is reminding us here of something we often take for granted: the existence of the holy angels and their role in the life of the Church as servants and messengers of Divine Mercy.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) assures us that "the existence of the spiritual, non-corporeal beings that Sacred Scripture usually calls 'angels' is a truth of the faith. The witness of Scripture is as clear as the unanimity of Tradition" (CCC, 328). Their existence was solemnly defined as a matter of faith at the Fourth Lateran Council (in 1215 A.D.), but Christians never had any doubts on this subject.

The New Testament shows us angels acting as messengers of God's merciful love, for example, when an angel spoke to Joseph in a dream, telling him that his foster son, conceived in the womb of the Virgin Mary, would one day "save His people from their sins" (Mt 1:21), or when the angels promised the shepherds watching their flocks on Christmas night that in Bethlehem had just been born a "Savior, who is Christ the Lord" (Lk 2:11), or when an angel from God comforted Jesus in the midst of His agony in the Garden of Gethsemane (Lk 22:43-44).

Jesus Himself taught us that from childhood each one of us has a guardian angel: "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I tell you that their angels always behold the face of My Father who is in heaven" (Mt 18:10). Even human reason can see that it is fitting for such creatures to be included in God's created order. At the lowest realm of creation there are inanimate objects, then above them living things such as plants and animals, then higher still human beings, who are actually a unity of physical bodies and immortal, rational souls. It stands to reason that to complete the hierarchy God would have created what the Catechism calls "purely spiritual creatures [having] intelligence and will: they are personal and immortal creatures, surpassing in perfection all visible creatures, as the splendor of their glory bears witness" (330).

Those who lean on the mercy of God can be sure that our Savior sends His angels to surround and protect them, even as He did for St. Faustina. When she was dangerously ill, a radiant seraph brought her Holy Communion for 13 days (see Diary of St. Faustina, 1676). She saw them defending a dying man for whom she was praying (see 1565), and giving glory to God in heaven (see 1604). She also recorded how her guardian angel defended her from an assault by evil spirits (see 419) and accompanied her on a visionary journey to purgatory and to hell (see 20 and 741). In general, St. Faustina was constantly comforted by the thought — and sometimes given supernatural assurance — that we are not alone in our struggles for faith and love, but are surrounded (whether we know it or not) by a "great crowd of witnesses" (Heb 12:1). She wrote:

One day, when I was at adoration, and my spirit seemed to be dying for Him, and I could no longer hold back my tears, I saw a spirit of great beauty who spoke these words to me: "Don't cry — says the lord." After a moment I asked, "Who are you?" He answered me, "I am one of the seven spirits who stand before the throne of God day and night and give Him ceaseless praise." Yet this spirit did not soothe my yearning, but roused me to even greater longing for God. This spirit is very beautiful, and his beauty comes from close union with God. This spirit does not leave me for a single moment, but accompanies me everywhere (Diary, 471).

May the Lord be praised for the unseen mercy of the ministry of His holy angels to us! Let us never forget to thank God for them and to ask for their prayers and help so that nothing in our hearts may block them from their task of leading us to heaven.

Source: www.marian.org

Lenten Reflections from Fr. Joseph, MIC

Tuesday, April 7, 2009
By: Fr. Joseph, MIC

Readings: Is 49:1-6; Jn 13:21-33, 36-38
Immediately after, Satan entered his heart. Jn 13:27

Once again we find ourselves reclining at table with Jesus, and once again John's Gospel provides us with contrasting characters, focusing this time on Judas and Peter at the Last Supper.

The passage begins with Jesus suddenly announcing to His disciples that one of them will betray Him (We know that means Judas, but the disciples don't); and it ends with His prophecy that Peter will deny Him three times. Wow! What a way to ruin a good meal. Two betrayals!

But wait a minute. Jesus didn't say, "Two of you will betray Me." He said, "One of you will betray Me." What's the difference?

To really understand, we need to recognize another character who shows up at this meal: Satan. When John asks who the traitor is, Jesus answers, "The one to whom I give the bit of food I dip in the dish." He then dips a morsel of food and gives it to Judas. "Immediately after," the Gospel tells us, "Satan entered his heart."

We saw in yesterday's Gospel that Judas has a heart problem. He's been stealing from the common purse and lusting after wealth. So his heart is divided. He hasn't paid attention to Christ's warning that "no one can serve two masters. ... You cannot serve God and mammon" (Mt 6:24).

When Judas, knowing that Jesus is aware of his treachery, accepts the morsel from Jesus, as if in friendship, his deceit is complete, and he enters into communion, not with Jesus but with "the father of lies" — Satan himself (see Jn 8:44).

Peter has no intention of abandoning Jesus. His denial comes as a surprise to him and is not the result of evil intent, but rather of human weakness. Like many of us, he's just trying to do too much on his own. As Christ said to St. Faustina, "The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me" (Diary of St. Faustina, 1488).

Lord, Jesus, help me to remember that Satan is real and that without You I will not be able to resist his lies. Strengthen me, Lord, so I will not enter into temptation, and deliver me from evil. Amen.

† Jesus I trust in You †